Witty Quotes

Some witty quotes I read!!

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

When people talk to God, it's called prayer. When God talks back, it's called schizophrenia.

"As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, 'Relax, you're not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients', but the another kept reminding me, 'Howard, you are a veterinarian!'"
I never pirated it...it was donated. by the file fairy. I put a blank CD under my pillow at night..

What the hell do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

Paco's Bean Barn & Service Station - "Eat here and get gas."

A guy broke up with me and sent me pictures of his and his new girlfriend in bed together. Solution?? I sent them to his mom!!

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk

Why do our noses run and our feet smell?